Moving through Minefields, over Decades

I had a first-world problem the other day.

I have a degree of PTSD from some serious abuse I took from my peers when I was younger, owing to my substantial degree of Aspergher's Syndrome. The heat I took from them was pretty severe and even though I'm closing in on 60 years of age, it still creeps up on me. When this happens, I lock up and become rather ornery. My wife tried to pry me out of it and I ignored her, becoming very insular as I tend to do when this happens, and she did not react well. We've talked about it any number of times for years and she's burned out on this issue.

So...

She let me know that I absolutely, positively must find a solution to this and other problems attendant to it and present some kind of concrete step or steps towards success. She was angry enough that I realized that I really did need to present her with an idea of how I was going to begin to move past this particular snag in my whole personal marma.

Well, I succeeded. As she indicated, one of the things that causes me to be so pitifully insular at times is the focus I pour into playing videogames. We have an Xbox, and it can be something of a thorn in her side at times that this thing is one of my most prized possessions, although she enjoys it too.

The solution? When she's around or nearby, I don't play videogames unless she's playing, too. I either watch something, write something, or do something around the house, asking her for a project if necessary. Every time.

She liked the idea. So, she's talking to me again as if I'm a person, which is always a good sign that I'm not going to be in an emotional doghouse for the rest of the week. Even better, if I can keep this up and make it part of the way I live through the day, every day, I'll make her happier in the long term, which is one of the things that concerns her the most

This is the first time I've come up with a solid approach to changing my temperament and the way I help keep the peace in our home. How can this have been a problem all the way to nearly 57 years of age?

I don't like to lean on this too much, but at least in part it's because I'm a man with Aspergher's Syndrome who wasn't diagnosed until he was 42. I never received any of the therapies now available to my younger fellow autists. What irks me about this is that I had a reputable psychologist available to me when I was in high school, hired privately by my mother and whom I saw regularly. He never saw it. I went to private school from Kintergarten to 12, and no one saw it.

When I went to college the second time to become a teacher, no one saw it and when I was teaching in public school and had special education teachers, including a celebrated expert, working in my classroom with me, no one saw it.

My life had to fall apart before my sister realized what my problem might be and she figured it out.

I could have used that information a very long time ago, and I'm certain my life would have been easier than it's been, substantially. It is what it is.

Now to get some sleep.